So you want to nuke your body hair…

There are four basic ways to remove body hair; trimming, shaving, plucking, and depilating.

There are two more methods of hair removal that I won’t discuss; laser removal and electrolysis. If you are interested in a practically permanent solution, you should research these. However, be prepared to fork over a small fortune to a plastic surgeon. If you’re not into that, keep reading.

Trimming cuts your hair down to a shorter length, but it does not remove all of the hair above the skin. Trimming is fast, effective, and never leaves stubble. However, trimming never gets you really super smooth.
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Shaving removes all of the hair above the skin, and it leaves the skin super sexy smooth…. until a few hours later. Because shaving doesn’t remove any hair below the skin, and because hair grows continuously (in cycles at least), stubble starts to form in short order. Shaving can be fast and effective, but only if you have fairly hairless skin to start with.
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Plucking comes in several forms; tweezering, waxing, and epilating. Plucking removes the hair above and below the skin by extracting the hair follicle itself. For stubble to form, your hair follicle must grow back, and then the hair must grow long enough to breach the surface of the skin again. This takes about a week. However, plucking can be difficult and time consuming, and it will almost certainly irritate your skin the first couple of times you do it.
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Depilating is the chemical removal of hair. There are creams, like Nair and Veet, that literally dissolve your hair while it is on your skin. This has the major advantage of covering a lot of area in a short amount of time. However, this is chemical warfare, and there will be casualties. Depiliatory creams can give you chemical burns (especially on sensitive skin like your genitals, armpits, and butthole. Never put Nair on your scrote). Also, if you have a lot of hair, the chemical reaction might not be able to remove all of your hair before it starts burning your skin. Finally, depilatory creams smell like ammonia, which is nasty.

For biological males (aka “XYs”), an effective hair removal strategy depends on your own personal genetics. Do you have a small forest creature living in your chest hair? You’ll need to crack out the big guns. Are you practically hairless already? You won’t need the whole arsenal. I will present a strategy for the average XY, one who has a little bit of hair everywhere and a lot a bit of hair in some other places.

So let’s get to it.

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